unspoken

unspoken

Release. Embrace. Content.

Sadness, fear, overprotective...what if? Is he breathing? CHECK AGAIN

Annoyed. Give me space, but don't leave me.

Please stop trying to hold my baby. He's mine.

Frustration, can I get a day where my body is my own?

Over compensate and do 'too much,' I should give myself a break...but what if they remember that I physically couldn't handle yesterday and slept the day away? 

What if I am not good enough. Why can't I let go of feeling attacked and broken by 'she who will not be named?" Why is she everywhere, why did she take all my friends?

Push them away. Friends first. Avoid, deflect...act like everything is OK. 

Hide inside...the days never seem to be bright, even with the Sun shining. 

Would they be better off without me? I could never leave them, it would hurt them. But...am I hurting them by being near them?

Try harder, pretend you are just fine. Find excuses to be alone, spend hours away from the house but never feeling like I have been alone. 

Why doesn't anyone text me to see if I want to be included. Why do they all hate me?

I don't need help. I am fine. 

Breathe. I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I CANNOT BREATHE. Why does it feel like someone is sitting on my chest?!? *tears* I hate feeling helpless. Why can't I catch a breath?

Touch. Me. Please. With no children around, show me you love me. It's never enough. Can we run away together? You feel safe. Like Home. My better half. Why did we have children. 

No. I don't need help. I don't 'f-fing' know why I am sad, I just am.

Would they be better if I wasn't here? He'd find someone better for them, someone skinny, perfect, and happy. They need happy. They ALL need better than this. Who am I? I don't feel like the person I see in photos. I have never been this big. Don't look at me naked with the light on. 

Want to order a pizza? I know it's almost midnight, but I am starving and cannot sleep. 

Ugh. I feel like shit. 

I don't need help. 

OK. I need help. 

*trilling 

"Hello?" "Hello, this is the nurse line...."

*click

What am I doing? 

"Babe, make the call."  "I can't." "Yes, you can, I love you...you need to call and ask for help. I cannot help you anymore."

*trilling

"Hello? Hello, this is the nurse line, please don't hang up." "Do you need help?"

*sobbing

"Yes, I need help."

Blue Apron

Blue Apron

#together// Chaz & Carolyn

#together// Chaz & Carolyn